fuck.

The skies are grey and I'm thinking of you, lover.

You lover, who keeps me safe, but
who keeps me walking on eggshells.
You. Lover, why do you do this to me?

Who is lover?

Lover, whom I take care of.
Lover, the one I put to sleep at night.
Lover, the girl I wake up in the morning, the one I feed.
The Man I let sleep next to me.
The woman on the train who needs help.

The burden of a thousand books on my outstretched arms. Lover, the one I see through the 80 millimeter lens. The one I focus on, the one I breath for and takes my breath away.

Lover, who are you, and when will you leave me alone?
How can I wish to be self sustained,
on the other hand of the clock,
wish you here, completely stained. Waiting for me. To save the day.
Why must I subsist on the weight of others' problems?

What has happened to my life? What has happened to the joyous days
the days of carefree, the days of late night sunsets and early morning joints.

The skies are grey now, and as they remain this way
it slowly takes away from me. It slowly drains the blood from my body.
I return home catching tears before they fall,
trying so hard to make things right,

never. right?

Someday I'll sail forever. Someday I will fly.
Someday not today I will not drag you around, lover.
Someday lover will be nothing but my own reflection.

With such gravity, my feet take steps
Back and forth, sped up, slowly taking.
Waiting to fall and hit my head on the cement,
just to bleed and feel to remember I'm still human.

Lover, you make me a machine
Saving everything, saving you, losing me.
Lover, who are you and what do you want?
Please fly away and don't return. Let me stay behind

capturing what I please, this fake reality.
Staying in the dark, waves washing over,
and revealing only the truth I believe to see.